Fast Driver Shifts into High Gear

Posted on May 24, 2013 at 6:00 am by wpadmin Comments Off on Fast Driver Shifts into High Gear

Fast Driver Shifts into High Gear

Dear Samantha,

Where are people’s manners these days? Sometimes I can’t figure women out! I was recently introduced by some mutual friends to a woman I really like. Our first date was at a coffee shop. We ended up staying a long time, laughing, finding we had lots in common, and we agreed we wanted to see each other again.

I invited her to dinner the next week. Later she called to tell me she had forgotten a previous commitment to attend the birthday party of her nephew. As it was on my side of town, she said she would call me when it was over and we could meet then. I suggested that instead I’d like her to come to see my new home that I had just finished building. I had worked very hard on it and wanted to show it to her. I never heard from her again. What happened?

-Frustrated Freddy

Dear Frustrated Freddy,

Your statement that you can’t figure women out is the universal lament of men all over the world, so you’re in good company! That being said, there are some things that happened you should consider.

Building a house is a huge accomplishment, and I can understand why you might want to show it off to this lady you’re interested in. However, from a woman’s point of view, going to the home of a man you’ve just met raises concerns. She may have felt that the relationship was moving too fast, or that you might move too fast once she got there. She may even have felt that it could be risky. After all, she doesn’t really know you.

Successful romantic relationships need time to develop. The first three dates are very important for setting the tone for the rest of the relationship. It’s best to meet in public places where you can have plenty of time to talk and learn about each other. Take your time as you move through the various stages of a relationship—acquaintances, friends, best friends, emotional intimates, and then potentially marriage.

While it sounds as though you were very intrigued with this lady, next time keep it in low gear. If you want to share your excitement about your new home, show her photos. That way you can discuss all of the wonderful times you spent in building it, but you won’t intimidate her or run her off. She will comfortably learn about some of your interests and accomplishments, but still feel safe. It’s good for you, too, as taking time in a relationship helps you avoid painful false starts. And it might also be helpful to learn to laugh at yourself, your date, and the crazy, wonderful process we call “dating.”