Dear Samantha,

Why am I always attracted to married men? I never seem to connect with a divorced or widowed man. And if they’re not married, they’re too old. 

I am a slender, very attractive, fabulously dressed 60-year-old widow. My friends can’t figure it out either. They all say I’m wonderful and would be a great catch. However, it seems I am only attracted to married men. Any remedies?

–Great Catch Gladys

Dear Gladys,

Part of the problem may be that you think of yourself as a great catch. Married men may enjoy throwing you a flirty little line, but single men are fishing for keeps.

Or maybe I’m misreading your letter. Perhaps you don’t really think you are such a great catch. Is the care you take of your outward appearance a cover for insecurity about your background, lack of education, or who you perceive yourself to be? Attitudes express themselves in many ways. How we dress, our body language, our eye contact, and even the jokes we like, are indicators of our self-esteem or lack thereof.

You also don’t mention how long you have been a widow. It’s possible you are still not emotionally ready to have a meaningful relationship with a man. This may be why you find unavailable men more attractive, they are in fact, unavailable.  You need to ask God to help you become the person He wants you want to be and ultimately find the mate you are looking for.  If you feel you are ready to move forward with your life, then consider ways to meet some interesting single men. Perhaps your circle of friends is limiting. If so, there are many places you can go to meet new people. Is there a group in your town you might join that is focused on a hobby or interest you enjoy? Is there a singles group for your age at your church or some other church in town? Are there other places you might look to meet a really nice, available man? More and more people are venturing into the Internet dating sites. There are some Christian oriented sites, but whether meeting someone on a dating site or in person, a word of caution: Don’t believe everything you see or hear. In my Savvy Singles RelationshipSecrets book, I have a chapter on Internet Dating. Not just my good ideas, but tips of caution from the experts.

Blessings,